Breaking Point

How do you know when you've reached breaking point? That time when enough is enough. When cracks start to show through your smile. When you can feel your resolve and determination crumble and all you want to do is run away and let someone else deal with the issues that have to be dealt with. Sometimes it's obvious. Sometimes is sneaks up on you. Either way, you start to wonder if what you're doing is actually making a difference, and if it is making a difference, why aren't you seeing it?

It's different for everyone - I become an emotional wreck. I cry. A lot. I battle to stop crying, even when friends and colleagues try to distract me with coffee, hugs and funny stories. This weekend I reached breaking point (it snuck up on me) and this morning it showed.

I went in to chat with my boss as soon as he got in and asked him for some time off because I've reached my breaking point. It's got to the point where I start to freak when I hear my phone whistle to tell me a message has come through and I panic when I hear my phone ring. I know that he's under even more stress than I am but he still took time to listen to me and sympathise with me. He's given me words of encouragement and called me up this evening to check up on me, with the first words out of his mouth being "don't worry, it's not a call out". I asked for tomorrow off as a sick day as well and he's given me that. 

Maintenance/Engineering Team May 2013

One of the artisans in my team sent me a message after I left the office today saying that he was worried because I looked so sad and that I must enjoy my time off, rest and chill out. It may have brought a few tears to my eyes but it also made me realise that even though I'm extremely different from most of my team members (I'm wearing the black and grey striped jersey in the pic above), they still value and respect me as one of them.

Another colleague/friend saw I was a wreck this morning when he came to see me with a change request, so he left my office, but soon after sent me a message saying that he's happy to have coffee and just chat if I need to. I took him up on the offer just before I left today and it definitely helped to just shoot the breeze for a while and take a break.

I've also been given lots of advice from one of our software contractors who has been in a similar position to me: take some time off and if I need to get medication for stress, do it. It's a job and my health and well-being is more important than getting stressed beyond what I can handle. Just before I left, he and his office mate went on to distract me with advice on good movies to see and the driving habits of Pretoria/rest of South Africa vs Joburg drivers.

All of the people I've chatted with today have been males and they've listened to what I've had to say and given me words of encouragement, letting me know it's alright to take some time off so I can get my head back in the game. And if I shed a few tears along they way, they were OK with that too. Even though the work is tough and frustrating, there are pockets of awesome people, like the guys today. Whoever said engineers and technical people aren't in touch with emotions obviously haven't met these guys!

So, what do you do to come back from your breaking point? Some people resort to therapy - talking therapy, walking therapy, eating therapy. I'll do those tomorrow. Today I resorted to reading and retail therapy :)