Long Distance - The Good and Bad

Taking a rest while going for an afternoon
stroll in Baberton...to the top of the highest
peak in Swaziland :)

So, for almost 2 years, Frosty and I have been living a 2 hour plane ride apart - he in Cape Town and I in the East Rand. We've tried to see each other as much as possible, but in general there is about a month in between the times that we see each other. This is soon coming to an end as I'm going back to the Cape soon. But I thought it would be useful to reflect on what I've learnt about long distance relationships and how we survived a long distance relationship.

Many relationships don't survive long distances and I can understand why - living apart from your significant other is difficult! Especially when you're used to spending most of your time together.

However, distance can be a good thing and gives you a chance to grow into your own person, without an "and" separating you and your partners names, automatically classifying you as one entity. Especially since we spent most of our varsity time together, our friends are all the same and they've grown used to viewing us as a couple. 

As time has gone on, I've tried to change my point of view and turn my own frustrations into happiness (or at least acceptance). So, here is my list of the frustrations, happiness and lessons learnt from long distance (and approved by Frosty who shares my sentiments).

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Frustration 
Your significant other goes out for the night or away for the weekend - dinner, house party, drinks, camping, you name it. You're so tired you could fall asleep where you're standing but for some reason you just can't get to sleep or turn off your brain and you spend the entire night/weekend/day being jealous of the fun they're having and wondering what they're getting up to with a bunch of people that you've never met before.

Happiness
You're exhausted, so you use their going out or being busy as an excuse to jump into bed early, read a page or two of your book and go to sleep all before they've even left to go out for the night. If it's for a longer period of time you organise to visit friends in the big city over the weekend. Otherwise, when you're not sleepy/can't sleep you use the time to catch up on activities that you don't get a chance to do when you're together and have missed doing.

Lesson Learnt
When you don't live in a particularly social area or most of your friends live far away, you need to find other ways to keep busy so that you don't drive yourself crazy wondering what they're up to. Especially when they live in an area that is significantly more social than yours. If it's for a longer period of time, try to organise to see friends who live slightly-too-far-to-pop-in-for-a-cup-of-tea, but close-enough-that-a-weekend-visit-is-awesome.

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Frustration
One of you is busy for what seems like days on end for whatever reason. You're lucky to get/be able to give a 5 minute phone call or a quick 2 line message.

Happiness
Catching up afterwards. At least the next time you talk properly one of you hopefully has lots of interesting news. Plus, often the busy stages seem to be just before you get to see each other - so it means that the number of sleeps on your countdown is getting smaller!

Lesson Learnt
Life comes in waves. Sometimes it's busy. Sometimes it's mind-numbingly slow. The busy times give you a chance to catch up nicely and have a different conversation to the normal day-to-day conversations. And if they're being busy and you're feeling forgotten, tell them. Sometimes that busyness can be postponed until a later stage.

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Frustration

Trust and jealousy. It's hard to trust each other and not let irrational jealous thoughts run through your mind when you're far away. Even when you know that you can, without a doubt-no questions asked trust each other, it's difficult. New friends - especially those of the opposite sex, are especially hard to come to terms with. Because then the jealous "what if's" start and it's hard to shut them up, even when you know it's irrational.

Happiness

Actions speak louder than words and sometimes you just have to have faith in each other and be happy in that faith.

Lesson Learnt

Trust is hard and the only way that it can happen is by showing the other that you can be trusted and having faith in your partner. Dealing with jealousy is also hard, because your imagination runs wild and even when you know you're being irrational you can't help your thoughts. It helps to tell the other person when you're not comfortable with something (but wait a day until your rational mind is back). You also need to be completely honest with each other and tell each other your concerns and why you feel a certain way about something.

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Frustration

Not seeing each other for a long time. It's in those small moments - going for a walk, watching a movie, sharing a meal - that relationships are built. Sometimes you feel out of touch because you miss out on these moments.

Happiness

Counting down the days and hours until you see each other again. You make the most out of the time you do spend together. You cherish the time spent together and do more special stuff, just because you don't get to do it on a whim.

Lesson Learnt

The anticipation of seeing someone after not seeing them for a long time is a special type of excitement. And nothing beats a real life hug hello. Also, having a time limit on how long you're going to be apart is a huge help in getting you through the seemingly endless days of not being with someone.

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Moral of the story: long distance is hard. But it can also be worth it if you're willing to make the most of being apart.