Happy 2016!

Hello everyone and happy 2016 to you! I had such high hopes that I would maybe get time to blog a bit during the festive season, but as you can tell from my silence, that didn't happen. Instead, I had a fantastic holiday, celebrating Christmas with family and visiting Frosty's farm and hiking in the berg over New Year and spending some time at Hole in the Wall in the Transkei.

At Mpame in the Transkei.

While all of these things were fantastic, there was something even more exciting that happened the Saturday before our holiday came to an end. Most of you will have heard some version of the story, but here it is for those of you that haven’t.

I started the day off with a trip to Durban with my mum to go and celebrate the baby shower of one of my best friends from school. Since we live so far away from each other, it is always an extra special treat to see her and even more of a treat to see her as a mum-to-be*! While we were catching up, Jen asked me when I thought Frosty and I might be tying the knot and I replied that it was likely to be in the next year or two probably and we weren’t in a rush. With all the chatting and catching up with everyone at the baby shower, the time seemed to fly by and all too soon we started off on our way back home. I was so sad to have to say goodbye, especially since we were leaving before the end of the party, but mum was keen to get going back home and since she had mentioned that she wasn’t feeling so good earlier I didn’t put up too much of a fight.

The entire way home, mum kept on commenting on how she hopes we get back before the bad weather set in, so that I could go birding with Frosty that afternoon. She usually doesn't mind what the weather is like, but that day she was particularly concerned that we get back before the rain. I thought it was a little strange and thought that something must be up.

Now, to put you in the picture, while we had been at Hole in the Wall, the one morning Frosty and I went for an early morning swim with my folks. My dad got out of the water quite quickly after getting in and soon after that I saw Frosty heading out after him. “Ahhh, he’s gone to keep my dad company and be friendly, what a good guy”, I thought. Eventually mum and I returned to the beach and dad then asked me to take a walk back up to the cottage with him. I waited the whole walk for dad to say something profound and deep, as he’d sounded like he wanted to chat with me all by myself. By the time we had reached the cottage, dad still hadn't said anything. I started getting a bit suspicious at this point, as I guessed that if dad hadn't wanted to talk to me about anything, then that must mean that Frosty had wanted to talk to my mum (and dad) about something. I started having a few suspicions about what that something was, but decided to not get too hopeful.

Anyway, mum and I arrived back to Hilton safely and I organised for Frosty to come collect me so that we could go birding. He’d asked me the day before if I’d like to go birding at Hilton College, as there were lots of birds there and I might be able to tick off some new birds on my bird list. I started getting a bit more suspicious at this point, but again decided not to get my hopes up in case it really did turn out to be just a trip to go and see some new birds...

So, off we went to Hilton and Frosty chatted nicely the whole drive there. We had never gone birding at Hilton together before and so he pointed out all the places where he had crashed and where he had gone exploring and where Willie had beat him in a race uphill even though he (Willie) was using only one leg and Frosty was allowed to use both! We (Frosty) decided to go to Beacons lookout point as it was a place that Frosty used to visit often while he was at school and he went birding there quite often. Along with all the stories he told me during the drive, he also mentioned that his grandfather’s ashes had been scattered at Beacons. The entire drive there I was listening, and the important stories all stood out to me (I had heard a few before luckily), but in the back of my mind I was wondering if this was the time that Frosty was going to ask me something important. I decided to just take the afternoon as it came and made up my mind to not be too disappointed if all we ended up doing was going birding. 

View from Beacons Lookout Point

We got to Beacons and were treated to a view of overcast skies, cloudy and moody above Albert Falls Dam. It really was a beautiful sight and after admiring the view, we decided to try and get to the actual beacon - a few minutes and a sighting of a rather mean looking fence later, we decided to rather take a walk along one of the forest paths. We tried really hard to find some birds, but the incoming bad weather had ensured that all the birds were hiding...All this time I was enjoying the birding but also watching Frosty carefully to see if he was acting strangely. He seemed to be sighing every now and then but otherwise he was his usual self, so I still didn't want to get my hopes up that something was up.

After finding a few brave birds who had ventured out into the forest, we turned back and again spent some time standing on top of rocks, looking for birds at the Beacons viewpoint. It was while we were standing, just admiring the view, that Frosty went down on one knee and asked me to marry him and just like that, we were engaged!

As we sat chatting, overlooking the valley and just enjoying being together, I asked Frosty how long he'd been planning this whole thing and who was in on the plan. It turns out that while I was travelling in Rio he used the time to start looking into rings and talking to jewellers and for those few months, the only people other than him that knew his plan were his folks. It turns out my suspicions that Frosty has been asking my folks something at Hole in the Wall also turned out to be correct (my folks and his folks did such a good job at hiding their excitement over that time that I started to second guess myself at that point). 

Anyway, a glass or two of champagne and some snacks later, we made our way back to Hilton where as many of our family as possible had gathered to celebrate our engagement with us, which was just the best end to the day! Frosty and I were both so excited and thankful to have our family join us in celebrating our first evening as an engaged couple and it means so much that we were able to celebrate with them! Thank you family who were able to be there and those who weren't there were missed!

We're engaged!

The following day we had some more celebrations with family and friends who lived close by and one of the best treats of the day was getting to see my special friend Jen for the second day in a row! Since most of these friends live far away from us, it was again, an extra special time and one that I won't soon forget!

Special families! (Thanks Chezie for putting on your photographer hat!)

The jong-span (thanks mum for getting these pics!).

It's now been 3 weeks since we got engaged and in that time a lot has happened - we got to celebrate with my Cape Town family, work started off with a bang and I've just spent a week in the Czech Republic doing a workshop for a new project, which is really exciting! I have to say that I'm really looking forward to planning a little something to celebrate with our Cape Town contingent, who we haven't had much of a chance to see yet.

It really was the most fantastic way to end off the holiday and so, here's to a new year, a new adventure and a new fiancé - I think 2016 is going to be a good year!

*She and her husband recently welcomed a baby girl into the world, yippee!

Rewarding People By Not Making Them Managers

My grandfather, Boet, turned 85 at the beginning of this year and we celebrated with a lovely party thrown at my folks' house. 

During his party, we got chatting to how management can be a blessing or a curse, depending on who is doing the managing and whether they're actually qualified for it or not. Back in the day my grandpa was involved in Agriculture and then he ended up working for the South African Embassy in the USA for a while - so he knows a thing or two about bureaucracy and management. 

Anyway, we had a really good chat about this and our biggest point was that all too often we see people who are doing a great job technically, moving into management because that's the only way to grow (and get a bigger paycheck - because let's face it, we all need a bit of money to survive) within a company. Sometimes these appointments work out. Sometimes they don't. When they don't work out, then the whole department or team suffers as a result.  

The question that Boet and I were chatting about was, how do we retain and reward strong technical people without pushing them into a management role if they aren't interested in management? I don't know if there's a hard and fast answer here, you probably need to take it on a case by case basis. Moving into management often means one won't have a chance to use the skills that have been learnt over the years, which is a waste of knowledge and experience. Managing people is also something that needs a particular skill set - often this is something that either comes naturally to a person or it doesn't. Putting someone without those people skills into manager positions often results in unhappy staff and a disconnect in your team. Putting someone with strong technical skills into a position of mentorship, where they can share their hard earned skills with others is probably a better way to go about things. But this will only work if people feel secure in their jobs and are thus confident in sharing their skills with others, with the objective of improving the skills of all parties.

At my current job, we have two different "management" streams within our teams. The first stream is structured around people management, project management, basic technical ability and client interactions. The other stream is structured around in-depth technical know-how, project execution, helping junior developers with technical problems and technical interactions and specifications with clients. Both "managers" are responsible for the success of the team, however their areas of focus are slightly different, allowing the technical people to retain their experience and allow the technical leads to to what they do best and share that knowledge with others.

I think this is a pretty wide topic, with many different points of view. What are your thoughts on this? Any suggestions for things that have and haven't worked for you in the past in terms of rewarding technical ability without the person having to move into a management role?

Family Picture at Boet's 85th birthday - I printed this picture for him on a canvas
as my gift to him :)

The #SouthAfricanTag

I was recently tagged by the author of Closet Freedom in a #SouthAfricanTag in order to give exposure to more South African bloggers and build up the blogging community in South Africa. I really liked this idea and I'm also very proudly South African, so here are my answers to the questions for the #SouthAfricaTag. I've re-worded a few of the questions, so if you would like to take part, visit this post from Closet Freedom to get the original questions.

If you'd like to participate, please do so and leave a comment at the bottom of this post so I can get to learn a bit more about you! In addition to this, to keep the tag moving I'm tagging Candice and Jodi across at The Turquoise Teapot (you can change question 1 to tea ;) ) as well as Gaelyn from Heart of Iron to take part.

1. How many cups of coffee do you have per day? What type of coffee and why?

Usually I only have one cup of coffee per day. The first thing I do when I get to work in the morning is brew and pour myself a cup of whatever filter coffee is in our coffee jar at work, then I plan my morning and go through e-mails before getting a real start on the day. If it's the weekend I will sometimes have a second cup in the afternoon, but if I have too much coffee I end up feeling jittery and nervous, so I try to limit myself (in which case I'll drink tea instead).

2. Favourite part of your Sunday dish?

Sunday dishes vary every week, sometimes it's a meal out and sometimes it's a braai at home. But I would say that no matter what I'm eating, my favourite part of Sunday dishes is sharing a meal with family or friends!

3. What sports team would you spend most of Saturday watching while enjoying a classic South African braai?

I'm not the biggest sports fan, but I would most probably end up watching the rugby while enjoying a braai on a Saturday. Although, when Soccer World Cup fever hits every 4 years, I do enjoy getting into the spirit and following a team through the tournament! So I would probably do that over World Cup time.

4. Favourite and most annoying South African word/phrase ?

Favourite: "takkies" and "magies vol, ogies toe".
Most annoying: "jirre" and "now now".

5. South African treat?

Wedgewood nougat - you can't beat it (and it's made close to where I grew up!).

6. Which SA DJ rocks your socks?

Good question - probably Ryan O'Connor from Kfm because I listen to him every morning on my way to work.

7. Favourite SA personality? Why?

I'm not a huge "celebrity" follower, internationally or locally, but I would say that Trevor Noah is my favourite at the moment as he uses humour to address South African issues in a way that all South Africans can relate to and laugh about.

8. Favourite province? Its main attraction?

This is a difficult one. I think each of the provinces has so much to offer and it's own unique flavour. I haven't travelled to all of them yet and don't think I could choose a favourite, but I would like to say that the provinces that surprised me the most when I visited them last year were Mpumalanga and Limpopo. Completely different from what I was expecting!

9. How many South African languages can you speak?

Embarrassingly, I can only really speak English fluently. I can stammer please and thank you in Afrikaans and Zulu, along with a smattering of other phrases, but that's about it.

10. Favourite South African Song?

Dance Sum More by Mango Groove. Actually, I love all their music and I had as much as possible of their music on a South African playlist to remind me of home when I went to the USA just after graduation.

11. TV show watched by most South Africans that's also a must-watch in your family?

We don't have a TV (it's wonderful, more people should try it) and so I have no idea what's happening in the world of TV shows! However, when we do sit down to watch a series, Big Bang Theory is one that keeps us giggling for hours (the engineers in us love the nerdy science jokes that they crack)!

The 7 Deadly Sins of Falling in Like: Epilogue

So, we've reached the end of our first guest post series. I hope that you've enjoyed this series as much as I have! If you missed all of the previous posts, scroll to the bottom of this post and follow the links before you read the epilogue. Finally, don't forget to like my facebook page if you would like to see more of Practical Cookie! Now, your epilogue...

Epilogue

And so those are the seven deadly sins. Read it, read it again and think about them. Think about them in others and yourself. Think about when it has all gone wrong and try to look back within the context of what I have just wrote about. I really hope it helps some of you out there. 

In the end the sins are nothing more than a tool to letting you be yourself. There really are no such things as reachers and settlers. There are just people who are in the right place and people who are in the wrong place, and, within and around that, people who are right for you and people who are wrong for you. It is sad how much the two get lost within each other. We all long to meet the right person in the right place, but maybe the right person in the wrong place really is worth fighting for.

I think over years I've lost a certain respect of the intelligence and insight of others. I had become so lost in how to get someone to like me, preparing for the worse and scrambling at avoiding that eventuality that the cycle became self-fulfilling. I failed first by never really taking the time to think through their own mind space and needs, and putting them before my own. Secondly I failed by never really given anyone the chance to just like me. 

Maybe I am too hard on myself. I have courage for days and an unquenchable ability to hope. At this time of life we should be allowed to like who we want to like, and spurn those who we want to spurn, but equally as much we should be allowed to fight for who we want to fight for. We need only be ruthless in questioning why we like someone, why we’ve spurned someone, and why we want to fight and how. 
In the end it is always in our own hands. There is always a path that would have worked out with a right person. We are responsible for the outcome, and, to quote Emerson, we should not weakly try to reconcile ourselves with the world. We are the captains of our fate. We are the masters of our souls.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

For those who managed to miss the entire series, here's a round-up of all of the Guest Posts for this series.

Intro
Sympathy
Relationship Perks
Grand Gestures
The Word Love
Guilty Cornering
Private Parts
Non-Verbal Leakage

* I have not been able to find the sources of all images used in this series to credit them properly, so if you see an image and it has not been properly credited, please let me know so I can give credit where credit is due.

The 7 Deadly Sins of Falling in Like: Non-Verbal Leakage

Last but not least, the 7th Deadly Sin of Falling In Like. Perhaps not something to be avoided at all times, but definitely something to be used with care!
If you missed the other posts in this series, click on the links below:
Intro, Sympathy, Relationship Perks, Grand Gestures, The Word Love, Guilty Cornering and Private Parts

Non-Verbal Leakage

I wanted to leave this sin to the last because I am really not entirely sold on it being completely bad. It is a tool, like any other, but a dangerous one that needs to be handled with care.

When the worse comes to worst, when the lines of communication break down and no matter how hard we try, no matter how pure the intention is or the message trying to be sent is, the point comes when there is just no way to get through. A lot of us get to this point and things get desperate. The two best options are to either give up, or dig deep. In and among these two paths are non-verbal leaks.

Instinctively, we will try to reach out in any way we can. Some try to going for sad song lyrics or melancholic reminiscing, some try to show how awesome they are. Plans are made, circumstances are tweaked, and friends are harassed. Drastic measures can be taken. A grand gesture is basically a massive non-verbal leak. Leaks can beg for sympathy, make someone feel guilty, or delve too deep into the idea of love, etc. 

The Great Gatsby

It is especially easy in the modern world of social media. Not often do we do anything online really without hoping there is one person in particular that will see it, even sub-consciously. The option is always tantalisingly close and sometimes it isn’t always wrong. I’m not even prepared to say it doesn’t work. And not saying anything can sometimes be just as much of a leak. 

The point I am trying to make is to be careful. There are a million ways a leak can be taken (that came out wrong), and it is important to remember that. There are better ways of doing things, maybe involving a partial non-verbal approach, but one done the right way. Mostly sit down, think step by step where things went wrong and why, think especially hard on whether this person is actually right for us. Pen down a revolutionary list of world saving guidelines, figure out the best time, place and way to communicate again normally, knowing that it might not work out again no matter how brilliant we are. This might be the best way to a second shot, but in the end unless we have shown appreciable effort into figuring out where things went wrong the first time and showing why and how we want to change, the shot won’t be worth the taking.

The 7 Deadly Sins of Falling in Like: Private Parts

I really love this next sin and the concept of being classy. Hardly ever mentioned, but a key player in this whole concept of falling in like with someone, are private parts...

Private Parts

The Simpsons

This is a bit of a funny one and was actually the first one I stumbled upon, before I clicked to the idea of the sins. It involved cleavage and a slightly awkward moment. It was an interaction with something private and I recognised it immediately as a mistake and a throwback to former classlessness.  

This might be a bit of a childish sin. There is also a lot of circumstantial forgiveness mostly involving the trifecta of lips, room and state of undress. 
This, much like grand gestures, is just an unnecessary risk and a solid perk of a relationship. It is an important thing to remember, both in showing class, and being mature. Risking it with private parts is really more of an indication of how frivolously you are prepared to lose someone.

The Simpsons

If you missed the previous posts, here they are - enjoy!

Intro, Sympathy, Relationship Perks, Grand Gestures, The Word Love and Guilty Cornering

The 7 Deadly Sins of Falling in Like: Guilty Cornering

We all know that backing someone into a corner will inevitably result in them doing something crazy to try and get out of that corner...and so Guilty Cornering is the next topic of something to avoid when Falling in Like with someone. 

Guilty Cornering

Emotional blackmail is probably one of the most regularly broken sins. This is mostly because it can be extremely subtle, often reliant on the instantaneous way they feel about us at that moment, and is often about asking the same thing in different ways. 

“Would you maybe want to do something on Saturday, or maybe Sunday?”
If they are not sure they want to see us, then we’ve cornered them into both days, and anything cornered will naturally react badly. (As some homework think about better ways to ask the same question.)

Equally, making someone feel guilty about anything is just as bad. Again this comes down to grace, and a thick skin. The ability to see the good in every situation and focussing on that. As already mentioned, we are not the most important thing in their world, despite how amazing it would be for both if we were. However much they should want to, they don’t have to see us. Conversely seeing someone does not necessarily mean we are leading them on, if they are in a position to take each moment as it comes. There is discipline to be shown here, and real, not blind, courage by both parties.

"Maybe you could just give me a list, of all your ex's, just so
that I know who is going to beat my ass into the ground next."
- Scott Pilgram vs The World

If you missed the previous posts, click on the links to read them:
Intro, Sympathy, Relationship Perks, Grand Gestures and The Word Love

The 7 Deadly Sins of Falling in Like: "Love"

Love is the topic of our next sin. At some point in a relationship you say "I Love You". Say it too soon and you could scare your love interest away. Don't say it at all and maybe your love interest thinks you're not serious, when actually, you are. If you've missed the previous posts by this weeks Guest Poster, click the links to see what you've missed before you dive into today's post. Intro, Sympathy, Relationship Perks and Grand Gestures.

Breakfast At Tiffany's...

The Word Love

This is the most obvious mistake, and the most rookie error. Often sadly just a knee jerk reaction to how awesome we think someone is, catalysed by pretty much every song ever sung, every book ever written, every movie ever made and every play ever performed. Saying these words, or even hinting at the fact that it could one day become a reality is a deadly game to play. It might not even be that badly received with the borderline crazy ones, but more often than not will just back a person into a corner. They should never be used to try save something that is on its way out. 

There is no need to put too fine a point on this one. It should be obvious. Real love is kind of depressingly rare, and really is unshakable, found over a long time and together.

...slightly adapted to prove a point

The 7 Deadly Sins of Falling in Like: Grand Gestures

Grand Gestures is the topic of our third Deadly Sin of Falling in Like. Written by one of my good friends, he is the first guest poster on Practical Cookie. After all of his hard work, I decided to run these sins as a series of separate posts. I hope you're all enjoying them so far! Just so you don't get confused, my own comments are added in, in italics and brackets.

If you have missed the first few posts of the series, click on the links to see the Intro, Sympathy and Perks of a Relationship.

Beware of Grand Gestures

Touched on briefly (and purposefully) above, this is one of Hollywood’s great lies. Grand gestures should not really have a place in being in like. Playing their favourite songs outside their house, waiting for them in the rain, getting a flash mob involved, most of us will have had the ideas pouring through us  at some point when things have started going badly, or we don’t know how to move forward. 

The simple truth is that a grand gesture will only ever push them to the side of the fence on which they are already sitting. If they really like us then it will probably work out amazingly. If they are close to the fence or on the wrong side, then it will probably be soul destroying and ruin things more than we can ever imagine. It is a high risk move to play, mostly for our own hearts, and sometimes it is worth the risk to break through to them, even though there is an equal chance of ruining it forever. It is just that we should not have to risk so much. A grand gesture to someone you truly love, when they are not expecting it is so much more amazing than one for someone you are in-like with and who is perhaps preparing to deflect a bold move. (From a female perspective, Grand Gestures are either amazingly romantic or just plain stalker-ish. And as it's been pointed out here, the way that you interpret that Grand Gesture really does depend on what side of the fence you're sitting.)

The Notebook
An example of a Grand Gesture gone right...but imagine if she hadn't loved the guy.
I think that would have made for more of a horror story!

The 7 Deadly Sins of Falling in Like: Relationship Perks

In the Seven Deadly Sins of Falling in Like, sin number 2 is Perks of a Relationship. If you missed the other parts of the series, click on the links to see the Intro and Sympathy. 

Perks of a Relationship

There is so much excitement at the beginning of something new, there always should be, even if it is favoured more to the side of those in the right place to feel it. The risk is always of excitement becoming investment. There is such an important distinction to make between the two, and mistaking them for each other can cost us more than we know, whether we are the one in like or the one on the fence.

Seeing them off at the airport, meeting parents, getting random texts just mentioning how much they like you, getting them to come out and jump a battery or change a tyre (for the girls), getting bleak when they don’t call or message, sympathy, grand gestures, or whatever else. These are all perks of a relationship that does not exist. Expecting them, asking for them or being bummed about not getting any are perfect ways to freak a person out. It also takes away a bit of the mystery and reward of actually moving toward a relationship, even if it never gets there. 

It takes so much discipline to keep the mind in check. We have to be so careful about losing ourselves in the idea of someone, in the idea of what could be. It is so easy to forget that we aren't there yet, and more often than not, will never be. 


The perks should be held in mind as a reason for fighting on - they are all silver linings of the cloud we should be fighting for.

from the movie No Strings Attached

The 7 Deadly Sins of Falling in Like: Sympathy

The first of the 7 Deadly Sins can be found below. If you would like to see the introduction to these sins, click here and then continue reading below. I've added a few of my own comments in italics.

Sympathy

By this point we've all been hurt before, if not then you haven’t tried hard enough. We might even be sad about something legitimate, so few of us have all our ducks in a row. However tough it is though, appealing to someone new, a person who you've fallen in like with, for sympathy is dangerous. It is the wrong place to look, and in the end is a very humanising thing at a time when we have to be superhuman. Discipline should be spent on being a rock, albeit a funny, intelligent, charming and amazing one. 

Especially when meeting someone who is in a strange place themselves (being in like is a strange place sometimes) this is such an opportunity to be gracious, but not blasé. Grace, now that I finally begin to understand what it actually is, is one of the most amazing and truly heroic qualities to have. A part of it is the ability to understand someone’s needs, and happily put them before your own. 

Gaining sympathy of the one you like is comparable to fighting the world with a long-standing partner. Fighting the world together is something that must be earned. It is a perk of a relationship which has to be discovered together. Instead of appealing for sympathy from the one you like, instead battle through your condition bravely, accept where the other person is at and give them everything they need, while hoping, but not expecting, that they will slowly give you little bit by bit in return. It is meaningless and frustrating when people say you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. This task is baffling, the path unclear, and the goal borderline impossible. What they really are trying to say is that it is only when we've learnt to rely on ourselves for getting through, that others will begin to see that strength and gravitate toward it.

"I'm a little more guarded...I guess it's because...I've been hurt before..."
Sean Colfax - Fired Up

The 7 Deadly Sins of Falling in Like: Intro

You may have noticed this picture come up on the Practical Cookie Facebook Page (if you didn't see this come up go and like the page to stay up to date with Practical Cookie Posts). And yes, it's true, Guest Posts are coming to Practical Cookie - in fact, they are starting right now!

A few months ago, after girl troubles had got him down, one of my mates was chatting to a group of us about his list of 7 deadly sins that you can commit when falling in like with someone. We thought it would be awesome to share this list with the world and decided that Practical Cookie would be a good platform for this. About a week ago he sent me the text version and I'm going to be sharing these sins over the course of the next few days, so keep an eye out for them.

And now, as typed penned by the writer himself, an introduction to:

The Seven Deadly Sins of Falling in Like

None of us are shallow. No matter how we might look on the surface there is a great swirling sea of emotion within all of us that will never be fully understood, controlled or influenced. 
I don’t necessarily want to go down the road of what drove me to start trying to understand the sins, and put them down. All I will say is that it turned out simply to be an answer I found within myself, to a question we have all faced. It was a self-reflection on the definition of insanity, of repeating the same mistakes and expecting a different result. They are some of the most important ideas I could ever figure out. Now that I have finished writing them I am kind of embarrassed by them, much like it becomes embarrassing to carry on using fingers and toes when we’ve learned to count, but the truth remains that thinking about them in this way is a good short cut to knowledge usually gained through a lot of heart ache. Some people understand these intrinsically, and it is easy to scoff. Some get lucky, and it is easy to be grateful. For the rest of us though, understanding this idea is paramount to no longer thinking that the world is against us, only ourselves. That idea is hopeful.

It started when two friends mentioned it was unattractive for guys to look for sympathy. With a smile I, quietly inside, realised in that moment that I was definitely guilty, had been at least, in my own justifiably small way.
I finally began to understand where among the convoluted mess of lines, so trivial to the rest of the world, I had gone wrong. I realised that maybe it might also be possible that I was guilty of other things and bit by bit these things grew into a list. 

In the end it was a list of seven mistakes to avoid when you have met someone new and found yourself in-like. It is a survival guide for that moment when you tragically figure out they are on the fence about you, maybe even fairly far on the wrong side. Conversely and in hindsight, it is also a guide to maintaining our own cool when we are not in the right place and giving people a chance to make mistakes without crucifying them for it. The world does not have to be so black and white.
It won’t help win someone over who isn’t right, but avoiding the sins will, in theory, let a person stay in a place mentally where they will give the other a real, appreciable chance. And I think that is all any of us really want. 

So, without further ado, or oxford commas, the list...

What Fruit Best Describes You?

"What fruit best describes you?"

Random? 

Yes.

Remember-able? 

Definitely

Kinda strange? 

Only when you spend a good amount of time thinking up an answer, only to be told (when you ask the person originally doing the asking exactly the same question) that they don't know and they only asked you that to break the ice... 

About a week ago a bunch of friends came over to our house after a dinner out. The topic of an app called Tinder came up. I had no idea what this app was, so after having it explained to me (it's an app that helps you connect with people but is mainly used for dating), we got to chatting about it. 

It was rather interesting chatting about the different ways of starting a conversation with a person over a dating app. My friend who was asked the fruit question wasn't too impressed when they didn't get a reciprocal response to the fruit question. I don't think I would have been too impressed either. 

I can't say I've ever used any of these apps, but I would say that, if you were to use an app like this, a far safer opening line to break the ice would be a line given to me by another friend who uses this app: "Hey :)" 
(It's apparently much less threatening, a lot more genuine and doesn't come across as creepy). 

What are your thoughts on using applications for dating? 

Worth it or waste of time?

How would you approach someone using some method of virtual-connection?

Karoo Wedding

Nestled away in the Karoo is a place that takes you by surprise at it's beauty. I once spent the night there on a road trip with a friend, from KZN to Cape Town and didn't have much of a chance to see very much of the city, other than the beautiful NG Kerk, which dominates much of the town. Named for the Cape Town Governor at the time, as well as his wife; Graaf-Reinet is definitely worth a visit if you haven't been there before.

A few weeks ago, I had occasion to go back and spend a bit more time in this lovely town for a friends wedding. It was such an honour to celebrate the beginning of a new chapter with them - and getting to see a few faces that I hadn't seen for a while was a great bonus!

Over the weekend we also tried to fit in and see as much of the town as possible. We stayed at a great place called Villa Reinet, and were extremely grateful for the small plunge pool that we were able to use to cool down after a long day of driving. We were advised by our host to visit The Valley Of Desolation for sundowners, which we did and I would definitely recommend this to anyone who visits this historical town! Contrary to it's name, the views are magnificent and if you're a rock climber, you will probably spend your time being distracted by all the beautiful rocks in the area!

Nqweba Dam (I think) which is situated just above the town, on the way
to the Valley of Desolation

Kim, Steve and Frosty, admiring the view

Beautiful greenery

Our first lookout point in the Camdeboo National Park

Camdeboo National Park

Camdeboo National Park

Steve and Kim - Camdeboo National Park

Camdeboo National Park - Remember those rocks I was talking about? ...

This picture reminds me of our travels in the USA when we decided to see sunset and sunrise in the new places we visited. 

Steve enjoying his sundowners

Kim and her delicious plums that saved us from starvation

Guess who's the rock-climber of the bunch?

Camdeboo National Park - Sunset

Camdeboo National Park

Camdeboo National Park
We're so lucky to live in a country of such contrasts and beauty!

Camdeboo National Park

The NG Kerk in Graaf-Reinet Town

NG Kerk (Church, for those who don't understand Afrikaans)

Kim and Frosty

Me and Frosty

I loved this repeated pattern that the fence outside the church made, as you looked
down the length of it!

We felt the heat of this sun as we spent the morning trying to find the largest Cactus Nursery in the World 
(or so they say)...unfortunately we were unsuccessful, but we did get to see pretty much the whole town! 

Steve giving the Organ at St James Anglican Church a bash

Music in action at St James Anglican Church

Steve at St James Anglican Church

Flowers ready for the wedding service

Jess (proof that you were indeed at the wedding ;) )
Unfortunately I didn't get any good pics of the other bridesmaids :(

Lou and her mum - even though this pic is a
bit fuzzy, don't they both look beautiful!

Glen and Lou - what a privilege to be at your wedding and share your special day with you both. Seeing your relationship develop and grow has been incredible to watch and I hope that the years make it stronger and richer!

Bride and Groom

First Dance

And the dance floor is open!