Monday, 1 September 2014

The 7 Deadly Sins of Falling in Like: Non-Verbal Leakage

Last but not least, the 7th Deadly Sin of Falling In Like. Perhaps not something to be avoided at all times, but definitely something to be used with care!
If you missed the other posts in this series, click on the links below:
IntroSympathyRelationship Perks, Grand Gestures, The Word LoveGuilty Cornering and Private Parts

Non-Verbal Leakage

I wanted to leave this sin to the last because I am really not entirely sold on it being completely bad. It is a tool, like any other, but a dangerous one that needs to be handled with care.

When the worse comes to worst, when the lines of communication break down and no matter how hard we try, no matter how pure the intention is or the message trying to be sent is, the point comes when there is just no way to get through. A lot of us get to this point and things get desperate. The two best options are to either give up, or dig deep. In and among these two paths are non-verbal leaks.

Instinctively, we will try to reach out in any way we can. Some try to going for sad song lyrics or melancholic reminiscing, some try to show how awesome they are. Plans are made, circumstances are tweaked, and friends are harassed. Drastic measures can be taken. A grand gesture is basically a massive non-verbal leak. Leaks can beg for sympathy, make someone feel guilty, or delve too deep into the idea of love, etc. 

The Great Gatsby
It is especially easy in the modern world of social media. Not often do we do anything online really without hoping there is one person in particular that will see it, even sub-consciously. The option is always tantalisingly close and sometimes it isn’t always wrong. I’m not even prepared to say it doesn’t work. And not saying anything can sometimes be just as much of a leak. 

The point I am trying to make is to be careful. There are a million ways a leak can be taken (that came out wrong), and it is important to remember that. There are better ways of doing things, maybe involving a partial non-verbal approach, but one done the right way. Mostly sit down, think step by step where things went wrong and why, think especially hard on whether this person is actually right for us. Pen down a revolutionary list of world saving guidelines, figure out the best time, place and way to communicate again normally, knowing that it might not work out again no matter how brilliant we are. This might be the best way to a second shot, but in the end unless we have shown appreciable effort into figuring out where things went wrong the first time and showing why and how we want to change, the shot won’t be worth the taking.

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